Dear Friend,

Here I am, locking myself alone in my room, no music playing, and no sunshine lighting my room. Haven't slept a wink since yesterday. Been crying all night without no one knew. Huge, never-unexpected things happen all of a sudden, which makes me unable to speak or explain anything to defend myself. I believe this is a trial from God, for me to become stronger and knowing that life is not that simple. I really never meant to hurt someone-I-love's feeling, but perhaps they're not the right words to express what I really mean. You are my friend, and you know I never meant to be fake, disrespect, or giving everything with return. I, sometimes feel offended with you and the others, but I never keep it in my thoughts. That's really who I am and I know exactly who I am.

I thank you, and always thank you for everything you've done for me this whole time since I knew you. I always care about you, about your health, about anything you mumbled about to me, and I always try to help you. Sorry if you think I didn't help or give any solves to your problems, but indeed, I've tried my very best. I really thank you, for spending your time just to help my love-life problems. And everything I've mentioned above are not pretence. That're all my true feelings towards you, and I envy you. So much.

It is up to you now, how you interpret my feelings. If you ever hated me so much, then I wanna say thousands of sorry to you. You may not think of me as your best bud, but I think of you as a wonderful and brilliant best bud I've ever had. Thanks for everything.

Love,

C.M.

Buzybee week

Have slept less than 6 hours these days. Yes, akhir2 ini gw kurang tidur, bahkan tidurnya ga cukup setiap hari karna banyak assignment, dan hal2 lainnya yang waktunya semakin dekat. Dan yang paling ditunggu2, Retret ICYO ternyata sebentar lagi! Demi retret berjalan lancar, semua pasti dilakuin dengan senang hati dan tetap semangat, mulai dari fund raising tiap minggu, latihan music session, dan bagi temen2 yang jalanin puasa. Yakin kita pasti sukses nantinya :)

Di saat2 sibuk begini, belanja groceries juga udah jarang. Sampean cuman masak sayur mulu tiap hari, tanpa daging. Daging sisa 2 hari lalu cuman tinggal ayam.

Dinner hari ini: peas, corn, brocoli, and mushroom pake nasi putih. *rada kesian ya*

Omaigat, it's 3 am in the morning olredi. Tapi gw masi dipenuhi pikiran random super ga jelas, sambil browsing2 barang murmer di ebay. HIYAK! Tapi ini salah satu terapi menghilangkan rasa stres dan menjernihkan pikiran lagi, boleh dicoba bagi yang suka pernak pernik hp ato laptop :D

Random mood malem: dengerin musik slow pop, sambil ngebayangin nasib, inginnya punya keluarga yang kecil sederhana, tinggal di rumah deket millpoint ato sgala river2an sambil duduk2 bareng suami ngeteh ngederin lagu2 jazz atau jack & rai juga boleh :) malemnya makan sama2, sebelum tidur berdoa bareng, masakin suami buat bekal ke kantor dan membicarakan masalah2 yang ada sama2. (Udah ngomongin suami aja, pacar aja juga blum coba) *blushing2 hihi*

Baiklah, saatnya tidur. Bsok harus berjuang supaya tampil baik waktu iringin choir yang luar biasa indahnya di gereja :)

Happy Sunday peeps!

Awal yang baru

Bener-bener cuaca yg bagus hari ini, dingin, ditambah cerahnya matahari pagi dan siang tadi. Cuman tadi pagi bisa bisanya telat kelas, yang gurunya paling gw favoritin dan isi muridnya cuman 3 orang. Banyak banget tugas2 yg harus dibikin walaupun bukan assignment yg banyak, tapi peernya tiap minggu harus selesai. Jadi deh tidur jam stengah 4 tadi malem :(

Btw, ini hari ke2 sejak suatu keputusan udah dibikin. Berasa kayak mimpi, tapi sdikit lebih lega. Blum pernah ngerasain jadi single seblumnya, tapi gw harus tetep semangat dan terus berdoa semoga semuanya bisa lebih baik :)

Hari hari dilewati bersama Indah kembali, dan iyaaakkk saya merasa terhibur *walaupun akhirnya ga jadi bikin assenmen tadi siang, lol* Tapi thanks buat Indah, sudah memberi saran-saran yg mendukung. Thanks juga buat semua temen2, njess, eveline, dan semuanya. Setiap latihan choir itu paling semangat, gatau kenapa tapi senenggg aja bisa ketemu temen2 lagi, hihihi..

Oh iya, saya berjanji akan latihan main keyboard setiap hari supaya tidak mengecewakan, dan jika butuh bantuan apapun gw dengan senang hati pasti membantu. Hehehe..

Progress buat assenmen, yah sudah 80 persen. Assenmen yang menurut gw paling ga berguna ya, literature review which is worth 30%. Semoga kerja keras slama ini bisa sebanding sama hasilnya, bgitu juga dengan teman2 yg senasib sama gw. Semangat yaaa, kita bisa kalahin jarmanisme lol. Tapi assenmen tidak brakhir sampai disini, masi banyak grup assenmen lainnya yg worthnya bener-bener gede dan berpengaruh. Harus tetap semangat dan terus berdoa :)

Dear ICYO, thanks heaps for every moment and support ♥♥

Anddd.. Gut lak buat semua yang lagi sibuk mid sem, assenmen, dan pekerjaan! :D

Starry sky..

I was thinking to write something last night, but then I was too lazy to restart it again, oh well. I was sitting at the corner of my bed, opened my large windows and stared at the night sky. How I really love that feeling, with my iPod plugged to my ears. Slow pop songs randomly take turn to play. The new band called 'Jack and Rai' seems to be my new favourite one :) Then I was thinking about life, what have I done wrong, what I have to do right, how I can fix my mistakes, and what I wanna be in the future. Then I ask God to always remind me if I begin to step to the wrong path. And how I feel so grateful to have such wonderful friends and have fun together :)

Sorry, just another random thought. But when you look at the night sky, thinking of someone or anything that bothers you, you'll find way of how to reflect yourself, and you might somehow find answers to your problems. Don't forget to keep believing in God :)

Randomness

Not much to blog at the moment and I don't have intention to cook these days, so no food review atm hehe. It's been a very hectic week, fully loaded with tons of never-ending-assignments which continue to race to the deadline every single week. I'm tired and I need support to keep going :(

Anyway, between those terrible weeks that I need to go through, there's always happiness come along the way. Tonight was the best night that I enjoyed so much and now it came to the thought of "back to reality" which is the thing that I hate so so much and I feel stressed out thinking out of my assignments again, over and over till no one knows when it'll stop. How I love you all guys, we did have SO MUCH FUN tonight. Thanks to icyo, umm, no, big huge enormous thanks for everything :D

Aside from the assignments, this feeling of tiredness..

This feeling of sadness..

This feeling of worrisome..

This feeling of I don't even know what that is..

Don't you want to call me, or text me, asking how I've been doing this whole day? Are you alright? Do you feel happy for today?

Or support me and make me comfy with your sweet words..

Sorry I'm asking too much, but it would be a great, wonderful feeling I got if you say that to me even it's just once..

Dear God, please show me Your way. Give me a clue and help me to keep strong. Please lead us all out of the uncertainty and keep our faith deep in you :)

And help us in the "icyo retret" so that all things going well. Please, please God, we trust in You.

I realize my mistakes. But there was something that I felt not right behind that, which made me to do so. And I want you to know that I'm not such a person who likes pretending or acting to be good. I feel sorry for doing bad things, and i hope you realize what made me think of you that way too.

Buka puasa bersama

Post pertama berbahasa indo, rasanya asyik juga hehe. Kmarin rencananya mau masak bareng Indah buat dia buka puasa. Blanja groceries udah kayak blanja buat 1 bulan. Indah ceritanya pengen bikin kreasi baru haha. Beli ayam tenderloin yg ternyata enak banget, dan beda banget dari ayam breast fillet biasa (recommended loh). Akhirnya dia pengin bikin ayam yg creamy2 gitu, plus soto betawi. Jeng2, judulnya Creamy chicken with peas and corn lol *keren dah namanya*

Setelah berebut kompor siapa yg pengin masak duluan, akhirnya Indah ngalah dan potong kentang buat bikin soto. Gw bikin Spinach fettuccine with spinach & ricotta sauce :D

Akhirnya soto betawi Indah jadi juga deh. Hasilnya uenak pol, sampe yg lain kaga kesentuh coba.

Jadi deh buka puasa bareng, semua makan dengan senang =) Thank God we can enjoy your blessing together. Akhirnya malemnya Indah kekenyangan sampe nginep di rumah haha.

*Cooking plan buat next time: Churros or Macaroons